also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
