All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We got so high we made milksteak
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Shame is for Republicans.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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