She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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