Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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