He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
