dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
