So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize