this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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