Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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