Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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