I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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