Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
