I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
