i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
