do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
