yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
