This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
