I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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