I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
