That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
