he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Randomize
