She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
