and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
