"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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