I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
