In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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