I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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