So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
