My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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