you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
