I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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