and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
