did you get engaged???
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
