so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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