K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if you like me you must not know who I am
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
