Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
