Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
