Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
