I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
