youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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