I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
