Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
