looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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