I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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