Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it's like iHOP with fire
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
