Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
