if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
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It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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