apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
