i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
