I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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