summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
