I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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