I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
