Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
