How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
