I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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