Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
