woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
