My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
