I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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