What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
