she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
