??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
