I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
