do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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