You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
