the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
